How to Let Go of Perfectionism and Embrace Vulnerability

How do you let go of perfectionism and embrace vulnerability? To explain this, no other example comes to mind than the popular reality show, Shark Tank. You’ve probably heard about it or even watched an episode. But if you have not, it’s a TV show where entrepreneurs pitch their business ideas to a panel of wealthy investors. The investors, known as “sharks,” decide whether to invest in the business in return for an ownership stake.

However, one thing stands out when entrepreneurs present their business ideas to the sharks. The entrepreneur who ticks some boxes and is vulnerable by sharing their stories (sometimes emotional) with the sharks is likelier to get one or multiple offers and eventually seal a deal than someone who chooses not to be vulnerable. And the best part? They might not have the best or perfect pitch you’ve watched on the tank.

This corroborates with research that was done about mistakes. Some researchers came together to find out what people think about those who make mistakes. At the end of the study, they found out that people rated the person who made mistakes more than the person who didn’t make any mistakes. Why? Mistakes humanize us. Being vulnerable shows you are relatable, honest, and real.

Brene Brown once said, “Vulnerability sounds like truth and feels like courage.”

What does this tell you? Unlike how some people have portrayed vulnerability as a weakness, it’s a courageous act. As we will see later in this article, vulnerability helps you grow personally and aids your relationship with yourself and others.

But what exactly is vulnerability? This means opening yourself emotionally, being honest about your fears and flaws, and letting others see your true self. Vulnerability can feel risky because it involves uncertainty and the possibility of rejection, but it is crucial for building trust and authenticity.

On the other hand, perfectionism is the drive to be flawless, which is impossible. It’s the extreme of excellence. Some say, “They love excellence,” but actually, they are perfectionists. Some people take pride in being a perfectionist like a trophy, but it’s usually a quest of impossible standards. They not only do this to themselves but also expect this from others. Interestingly, it often stems from the fear of criticism or judgment, fear of failure, fear of shame or rejection, and fear of even being enough.

This study is important because if you don’t let go of perfectionism, you may never attain and express your highest and true self. In this article, you’ll learn how to let go of perfectionism and embrace vulnerability.

1. Understand the Roots of Perfectionism:

As mentioned earlier, perfectionists have underlying fears in them. Instead of facing the real problems, they prefer to hide under the shadow of perfectionism. You have to reflect on life’s experiences that may have fostered perfectionism. You may have allowed these fears to overtake you because you didn’t want to fail your parent’s expectations. Or maybe you always felt like you were not enough because of some ridiculous societal standards. So, you always decide to do things to perfection.

For any change to occur, you must know how this trait originated. And yes, I must mention that nothing good comes from denying facts. Be real and true to yourself. Recognize that perfectionism comes from the fear of judgment, rejection, or shame, and accept it. When you acknowledge that you have a fear, it dissolves the power it holds over you. Then, of course, you can work on overcoming it.

2. Embrace Vulnerability as Strength:

Statements like “Boys don’t cry” have made many men stoic and unable to express their emotions to people. They prefer to bottle them up instead of sharing them with others. Why? Not shedding tears or acting strong or tough is seen as strength and vulnerability is seen as a weakness. Of course, many women face this too, depending on their backgrounds. Nonetheless, you must be willing to change your perspective of what vulnerability means to embrace that part of you. See vulnerability as an act of courage, a catalyst for growth, and a principle for building genuine connections with yourself and others.

●     Take Small Steps: You don’t have to share your life’s story because I told you to become vulnerable. Like everything else, you have to start gradually. Start by sharing small imperfections with a trusted friend or partner. The more you do it, the less uncomfortable you become when vulnerable.

3. Cultivate Self-Compassion:

One habit you should cultivate is self-compassion. Speak kind words to yourself. Speak to yourself as you would to your friend and replace self-criticism with positive language.

●     Practice Mindfulness: It’s also important to be present wherever you are. Many people live their lives absentmindedly. They are there but not there. Use mindfulness techniques like mindful breathing to observe your emotions without judgment. This allows you to recognize and embrace your imperfections without condemning yourself.

4. Set Realistic Expectations:

One of the ways to step into the trap of perfectionism is to set unrealistic standards and expectations. You need to evaluate your goals. Are they achievable standards or expectations? While you should set big goals, you should set realistic goals too. Don’t be obsessed with perfection.

●     Prioritize What Matters: First, accept that you are not Batman. You might be a superhero to your kid, but that doesn’t leave out your mortality. In light of that, you can’t expect everything to be perfect. For example, you could work late hours to perfect a presentation while ignoring the client’s deadline. Prioritizing this would mean focusing on meeting the client’s deadline with a solid presentation instead of striving for perfection. It’s important to know that timeliness and client satisfaction are better than having a flawless design. In another instance, you could take an online course but spend hours perfecting your notes instead of paying attention to the shared concepts. So, what will you do better? Focus on understanding and applying the core lessons instead of being obsessed with your notes. Do you understand?

●     Celebrate Small Wins: Some people wait until they finish a project before celebrating themselves. You have probably heard about small wins repeatedly, but the truth is that it works. Acknowledge and appreciate incremental progress instead of aiming for impeccable results. A better way to do this is to embrace excellence instead of perfection.

5. Let Go of Control:

You must accept that you can’t control every outcome. Sometimes, imperfection is a part of life and you need to take it for what it is. Even the master planners fail sometimes. Instead of being hell-bent on the results, focus on the process. 

●     Trust Others: Perfectionists struggle with delegating tasks to others because they feel or think they can’t do it as perfectly as them. To let go of perfection and embrace vulnerability, you should learn to trust others with your responsibilities and allow them to contribute, even if their approach differs from yours.

6. Challenge Negative Self-Talk:

You become the story you tell yourself most of the time. What is the negative self-talk you have been telling yourself? It’s time to replace them with strong, evidence-based affirmations. When your inner perfection critic shows up, counter it with something more powerful. Let’s make this practical. Perhaps you got a new job, but your voice kept telling you that you’d never be good for the job. This leads to self-doubt, procrastination, and avoidance of challenges. To challenge and reframe your self-doubt, replace it with, “I’m learning every day and improving my skills for this role.”

Now, let’s look at everyday situations. Let’s say you forgot an important appointment. Your perfectionist mind might tell you, “You are so stupid for forgetting that appointment.” This reinforces the feeling of inadequacy and not being good enough. You can reframe it with, “Everyone forgets things. I’ll set reminders in the future”.

7. Reframe Mistakes:

It’s normal to make mistakes, but it’s important not to dwell on them. John C. Maxwell once wrote a book titled, “Sometimes We Learn, Sometimes We Fail.” You should see your mistakes and failures as lessons. It’s called failing forward. Instead of seeing failures as failures, see them as lessons. Instead of seeing them as signs of incompetence, see them as stepping stones for personal development.

●     Practice Forgiveness: Sometimes, you can dwell on your past mistakes and forget how to move on. Some people don’t want to make any major decisions again because of their previous errors. So, they keep hiding.

Some people are still hurting from their past mistakes. Forgive yourself for your past mistakes and focus on what you’ve learned. And most importantly, how it helped you grow and make better decisions.

Conclusion

Letting go of perfectionism and embracing vulnerability is a process, not a destination. I laugh when people say it’s not working, throw in the towel, and return to their previous state.

Imagine being a perfectionist for many years and thinking you could change in a few days. It doesn’t work that way. According to research, building a habit takes about 60-90 days. And it takes about 66 days on average. It can be shorter or longer than that, but just ensure you keep going.

It’s an ongoing journey. Each step forward—however small—leads to greater self-awareness, resilience, and connection. Embrace the uniqueness of your true self. Vulnerability allows you to form deeper bonds and live a life aligned with your values.

Follow the steps in this article to let go of perfectionism and embrace vulnerability. If you learned something valuable from this post, kindly share it with your friends.