Imagine asking your child to tidy up their room and they just blatantly refuse. What do you do? Yell at them? Scold them? Punish them? Or worse, flog them?
How effective has this been? I mean how well has it helped to change your child’s attitude?
Even when your child does what they are asked to do, do they do it from a place of fear of being punished? Or do they do it because they understand that it’s the right thing to do?
Does your child follow your instructions to the letter? But do they do so with a sullen attitude or an obvious lack of understanding?
Perhaps you’ve seen a scenario like this: a child acts well in the presence of their parents or authority figures, but disrespects their peers or staff.
Or they seem well-behaved at home. However, they become the opposite immediately after they leave home and step into a higher institution.
These moments highlight the difference between raising obedient children and raising respectful children. Obedience is about following rules and commands.
This is often out of fear of punishment or a desire to please those in charge. Respect, on the other hand, is a deeper quality.
It involves genuine consideration for others, empathy, and a sense of personal integrity.
Raising respectful children goes far beyond just ensuring they obey your instructions. It’s about instilling a sense of honor, empathy, and self-worth.
These values will guide their actions and interactions throughout their lives. This approach equips them with the emotional intelligence and moral compass to navigate complex social situations.
It also helps them build healthy relationships, and contribute positively to society.
In this blog post, we’ll explore practical ways to teach kids respect. We’ll move beyond just obedience.
We’ll focus on growing their natural capacity for compassion, ethics, and self-respect.
You will learn how to shape well-behaved kids and raise individuals who have the integrity and respect that will serve them well in all areas of life.
Understanding the Difference Between Obedience and Respect
To truly grasp how to raise respectful children, we first need to understand the fundamental difference between obedience and respect.
These two concepts are often confused or used interchangeably, but they are different.
Both have roles to play, but one should not come at the expense of the other.
1) Obedience
According to the Merriam-Webster’s Dictionary, to be obedient implies compliance with the demands or requests of one in authority.
Obedience is about following rules and instructions to the letter. This is often driven by a motive to get rewarded or to avoid getting punished.
It is a surface-level compliance that may result in well-behaved children on the outside.
But it doesn’t necessarily reflect their inner values or genuine understanding of why certain behaviors are important.
When obedience comes out of fear, it can work in the short term. But it does not build the foundation of trust and care that children need from their parents.
Obedience from fear says “Do this because I say so.”
Respect comes from an open line of caring communication that says “I understand why you feel that way, and here Is why I am making this decision.”
2) Respect
Respect is a deeper, more meaningful quality. It involves a genuine appreciation and consideration for others, regardless of their position or authority.
Respectful children don’t just follow rules blindly; they understand the reasons behind them and have developed empathy, compassion, and a sense of personal integrity that guides their actions.
Showing respect for your child as a developing person teaches them to respect others.
When children feel truly listened to and cared for, they want to treat parents and others in the same positive way.
Respect is a two-way street – it should flow from parent to child, and from child back to parent.
The limitations of obedience-based parenting
When you bark orders at your child, what are you really teaching them? Sure, they might do as they are told…but are they learning to respect you?
Indeed, obedience may seem like the easy and fastest way to ensure your children follow the rules, but it has significant limitations.
- Children raised solely on obedience may struggle to develop critical thinking skills. Your goal as a parent should not be to raise children who cannot say ‘NO’ or ask ‘WHY’ when the need arises. If your child grows up this way, they become unassertive adults.
- These children may also lack moral courage and the ability to make ethical decisions when faced with complex situations.
- They may become overly reliant on external authority figures and struggle to navigate the nuances of social interactions.
- Obedience-based parenting can also strain the parent-child relationship. Children may feel resentful or lacking in autonomy.
- Remember, your children are also individuals who want to feel seen and heard like you. Parenting only through obedience can backfire later on as children become teenagers. They may rebel against rules that seem arbitrary and were not explained with understanding and respect. They may act without thinking about how their actions affect others.
Leadership with respect and care forms children who make good decisions out of their own concern for relationships and consequences, not just fear of punishment.
The parent’s goal should be beyond raising children with compliant behavior.
They should raise kids with strong character. Obedience has its place but must be balanced with respect.
This helps to nurture kids’ development into caring, principled adults.
Cultivating Honor and Integrity
Raising respectful children starts with cultivating honor and integrity. These qualities go beyond mere obedience.
They form the foundation for developing a genuine sense of respect for oneself and others.
To develop into people of strong character, children need guidance and nurturing in several important areas.
You can nurture these essential traits in your children by:
1. Modeling respectful behavior
Children learn best by example. A child learns respect by seeing respectful behavior modeled at home.
So it’s crucial that as parents, we model the respectful behavior we wish to instill in them.
- How do you treat your spouse?
- Do you pay attention when they talk to you?
- Do you speak kindly to them?
- Do you resolve conflicts respectfully?
- Do you give them a healthy space when they need it?
- Do you support their interests?
- Do you care for them when they are ill?
- Do you show interest in their hobbies?
Whatever you do, your kids are watching and learning. This is why you need to stop comparing your children with others.
It’s not about telling them the right thing to do. It’s about doing it yourself.
Modeling respectful conduct is not restricted to the home alone.
It extends to those outside too – your friends, the parents of your children’s friends, your colleagues, the vendor at the market, the security personnel at the mall, the cleaner, etc.
Everyone deserves some respect.
Treat others with courtesy and consideration, regardless of their age, background, or social status.
Use respectful language, practice active listening, and show empathy in your daily interactions.
2) Encouraging moral courage and standing up for beliefs
Is your family guided by a belief system? Do you have family values? Every family should have one.
Your family belief system is the set of beliefs your family holds about what is right (acceptable) or wrong (unacceptable).
They are the principles that help us interpret our everyday reality.
Establish a clear set of family values and belief systems early on.
Sit down as a family and talk. Discuss the core values that matter to you.
These may include honesty, kindness, respect for diversity, caring for the environment, and community service.
Explain why these values matter and how they align with your larger belief system.
Encourage open dialogue and allow your children to share their perspectives too.
Once you’ve established these shared values, look for opportunities to reinforce them in everyday situations. If you witness an injustice or ethical dilemma, discuss it with your children. Ask how they think one should respond based on your family’s values. Praise them when they show moral courage, such as standing up to a bully or speaking out against discrimination.
It’s also important to lead by example. If you want your children to have the courage of their convictions, you must model that behavior yourself. Stand firm in your own beliefs, even when it’s difficult, and explain your reasoning to your children. Admit when you’ve made mistakes. Show them how to respectfully advocate for what’s right.
Additionally, expose your children to role models – historical figures, public leaders, or community members – who have displayed moral courage in the face of adversity. Discuss their stories and the impact of their actions, highlighting the importance of staying true to one’s principles.
These will help them develop the inner strength and integrity needed to respectfully stand up for their beliefs.
And to make principled choices throughout their lives.
Respectful individuals are not just passive followers; they possess the moral courage to stand up for their beliefs and defend what is right.
We can encourage this trait in our children by creating an environment where they feel safe to express their thoughts and opinions, even if they differ from our own.
When they witness injustice or unfair treatment, empower them to speak up and respectfully take a stand.
3) Honoring your child
You think only adults deserve honor?
Nah!
Your children deserve your respect too. Of course, they’re humans; growing ones.
And what better way to make them understand how great it feels like to be honored than making them have a feel of it themselves?
To honor someone is to treat people with kindness and respect because you admire them and you want them to know that they are special.
Explain it to them and demonstrate it.
Every time you show your children honor, it registers in their minds that they are special and deserving of respect when they go out there and relate with others.
Respect for others is deeply intertwined with self-respect. Children who have a strong sense of self-worth are more likely to treat themselves and others with respect.
You can nurture this in the following ways:
- Listen empathetically to them and validate their feelings.
- Have age-appropriate conversations with them like the grown-ups that you want them to become.
- Celebrate their unique strengths and talents.
- Allow them to make age-appropriate choices.
- Set boundaries and teach them to also set healthy boundaries. In setting boundaries, establish clear and fair rules. Enforce consequences consistently. Explain the reasons behind the rules and expectations.
- Respect their boundaries.
- Lavish praises on them.
- Don’t embarrass them. Talking down at them publicly or before their friends to humiliate them doesn’t help to correct them.
- Appeal to their conscience while teaching them to do more than what’s expected of them.
- Encourage respectful disagreement and negotiation
- Expose them to diverse cultures and model respect for our differences
- Respect their confidentiality when they confide in you.
- Put responsibilities in their care and give them some room to figure out how to go about it.
- Encourage them to pursue their passions and interests. This builds confidence and self-esteem.
- Be honest with them.
- Admit it when you are wrong.
- Encourage them to volunteer and take part in community service.
Prioritizing honor and integrity in your parenting approach lays the groundwork for your children to develop a deep-rooted sense of respect.
This guides their actions and interactions.
They learn to value themselves and others, stand firm in their beliefs, and navigate life with a strong moral compass – traits that will serve them well in all aspects of their lives.
Nurturing children with honor also fosters a deeper connection and understanding between parents and children, as well as equipping children with the emotional intelligence and moral compass they need to thrive in all areas of life.
Conclusion
Stop for a moment and reflect: is your child compliant to avoid being punished by you or are they doing the right thing because they understand why and they truly want to do it?
Parenting is not just about having kids who follow orders; it’s about fostering young minds that understand the ‘why’ behind the what.
At the end of the day, raising respectful children is about nurturing their innate capacity for empathy, integrity, and self-worth – qualities that will serve as guideposts throughout their lives.
Imagine your child, years from now, navigating the complexities of adulthood with grace and principles.
They treat others with genuine consideration, not because they fear punishment, but because they possess a deep understanding of why respect matters.
They stand firm in their beliefs, yet remain open to different perspectives.
They command respect not through blind obedience, but through their ability to make ethical choices and lead by example.
This is the profound impact of going beyond obedience and cultivating true respect in your children.
It equips them with the emotional intelligence, moral courage, and strength of character to build meaningful relationships, contribute to their communities, and leave a positive mark on the world around them.
Raising respectful children who are guided by strong principles is not quite easy but it is worth every effort you invest.
Go ahead and give it a shot!
Have you tried any of the tips discussed here? Which of these tips resonates more with you?
Do share your thoughts in the comments.
Don’t forget to share this post.
Add comment