9 Communication Skills Every Parent Should Know

What is communication, and why is it essential for parents to master?

Communication is the process of exchanging information, ideas, and feelings between individuals.

Many people mistakenly believe that communication is simply about talking, about being heard, and about getting their point across.

Unfortunately, this misconception can lead to misunderstandings, conflicts, and even estrangement in relationships.

Effective communication is so much more than that. It’s about listening, understanding, and responding in a way that fosters connection, builds trust, and promotes mutual understanding.

In this article, we’ll explore nine essential communication skills every parent should know to build a stronger, more loving relationship with their children.

The Power of Effective Communication in Parenting

Communication is a two-way street, where both parties actively engage with each other to exchange ideas, clarify misunderstandings, and find common ground.

It’s not just about speaking, but also about listening, observing, and empathizing. 

As Catherine Pulsifer so aptly puts it, “Communication is one of the most important skills you require for a successful life.”

And it all starts at home. As a parent, you play a vital role in shaping your child’s early development and socialization.

The way you communicate with your child can have a lasting impact on their self-esteem, relationships, and overall well-being.

In fact, research has shown that effective parental communication is crucial for building trust, fostering emotional intelligence, and promoting healthy relationships.

Here are nine ways to effectively communicate with your children.

1. Listen Actively:

One of the communication skills you should know as a parent is active listening. You should learn to listen to your children with the utmost attention.

So, what does active listening entail? It involves several key elements, including:

Establishing eye contact with them. Looking into their eyes helps them know you are paying attention to them.

If you are sitting, try to sit across them and face them. But if you are not sitting across them, your body should be slanted toward their direction.

Putting away your phone to minimize distractions shows you value their presence. If you need to take a call or respond to an urgent message, excuse yourself and explain the situation to your child.

They will always want to converse with you because they know you will listen to them.

Reflect their words to them. Let’s say your male child tells you, “Mum, I won’t talk with Marcus anymore because he offended me.”

You can respond by saying, “You mean you won’t talk to your best friend anymore because he offended you?”

Saying your child’s words back to him helps him open up to you. It helps your child feel heard and understood.

When they are speaking, respond with the appropriate body language and gestures. Nod your head, smile at them, and say words like, “Oh,” “yes,” “wow!” etc.

When they say something funny, laugh your heart out. Your actions show them how much you are listening.

2. Focus on Positive Behaviors:

We all have positive and negative behaviors. Unfortunately, some people couldn’t overcome some of their negative behaviors because of their parents.

Their parents dwelled on their negative behaviors and even compared them with others, so, they were more motivated to engage in those behaviors.

As the saying goes, “What you focus on expands.” If you focus on their negative behaviors, you’ll see more of them, and vice versa.

You should encourage your children’s positive behaviors and cheer them to do more.

For example, after picking up your female child from school, you find out she shared her lunch with one of her classmates who forgot her lunch box at home.

You could say, “I heard from your teacher that you shared your lunch with your friend. That’s so kind of you. I’m proud of you, baby girl.”

Comments like this will encourage your child to show more kindness.

Now, I’m not saying you should ignore their negative behaviors. You should address them and help your children see why they shouldn’t engage in such behaviors again.

But don’t dwell on them, nor should you use them against your children.

3. Give Compliments to Your Children:

Compliments have been and will always be one of the best ways to increase and strengthen your relationships with others.

Compliments are sincere statements that praise and acknowledge other people’s appearance, accomplishments, efforts, etc.

It could be as simple as complimenting their new dress, new hairstyle, sense of humor, cooking skills, grade, etc.

As you give those compliments, try to be explicit and specific with them. Don’t just say, “You look good.”

Tell them what looks good about them. It could be their shirt, trouser, etc.

Let’s take another example. Let’s say your child got an A grade in school at the end of the term. Don’t just say, “Well done for getting a good grade.”

You could acknowledge him by saying, “I saw how you put in the work all through the term. I’m glad you got an excellent grade. Well done, son. I’m so proud of you.”

With this compliment, your child feels much more better and proud of himself. Giving compliments strengthen your bond and relationship with your children.

4. Show Empathy:

Empathy is an important communication skill you should have as a parent. You should learn to enter your child’s world and wear their shoes.

See things from their perspectives. Try to show concern and listen to their side of things.

It might be about why they made certain decisions at a time. It might be absurd at first, but upon seeing it from their perspective, you might find some sense in it.

Let’s say your child got into a fight with a classmate. Yes, that’s not good behavior; however, after listening to your child, you found out that he was verbally bullied by his classmate, and he retaliated with his fist.

At this point, you want to reprimand your child for taking his anger out on his classmate.

But you don’t stop there; you’ll let your child know you understand what he must have felt and offer suggestions on what he could do when faced with such a situation again.

That is, instead of responding with his fist, he could express his displeasure to the derogatory statements of his classmate, and if the classmate refused to respond, he could report to the teacher.

5. Engage Them in Conversations:

One of the skills you should learn is how to engage your children in conversations. You can start with small talk and then move to deeper conversations.

Many parents lament that many of their adult children don’t talk to them about important details in their lives.

The truth is, it starts with those little conversations you have with them. Then, they will see you as their friend and will be able to open up to you at any time.

Of course, you should know when to differentiate between chatting and gossiping with others. You should refrain from it and teach your children to do the same.

From those little conversations, press to know more. Ask subtle questions, make remarks and statements. Let’s say you noticed that your child looked gloomy after returning from school.

You could say, “This is unlike you. Your face looks gloomy. It seems like something happened in school today.”

This will spur a better conversation with your child than, “Are you okay?” The latter will only bring the usual response: “I’m fine.”

6. Focus on the Behavior, Not the Person:

Your child will make some mistakes when growing up. It’s normal for humans to tread on the wrong paths sometimes. It happens to the best of us. We are not perfect beings.

When correcting them, be careful not to focus on their person; instead, focus on their behavior.

For example, instead of saying, “Why are you so messy?” you could say, “I don’t like it when you scatter your room. You should arrange it.”

Let’s say your child lied about something. Don’t call your child a liar. Instead, you could say, “Lying is not good behavior. You shouldn’t be lying when you could tell the truth.”

If you noticed that statement talks about them exhibiting the traits of lying, not that they are liars.

Do you understand where I’m driving? That’s the power of focusing on their behaviors rather than their person.

They will most likely tell you how sorry they are and promise not to engage in it again.

7. Lead by Example:

Most of the time, your children learn from your actions. Yes, remember I stated at the beginning of this article that communication is not always about talking.

If you tell your children not to lie, then you shouldn’t be caught lying. They should see you as the most truthful person.

I once had a friend who told me that until they grew up and became adults, they never saw their parents have any arguments, not to talk of fighting.

They were always in agreement and harmony. The children never saw them raise their voices at each other.

So, if their parents tell them to stop their sibling-rivalry fights, they could easily relate because they have no precedent.

They saw their parents live in harmony for over two decades, so they couldn’t have a better example for not fighting.

Also, I once heard a story of a man of God who took his 12-year-old son to an evangelistic meeting in another town.

In that town, they were staying with another man of God. During dinner one day, their host and his wife talked negatively about some of their members.

The man, who came for the evangelistic meeting, said his son looked at them in confusion because he thought everyone was an angel.

He also pastors a church, but his son had never seen him and his wife talk about their members negatively.

Because of that, that child thought everyone was an angel. So, imagine how confused he was hearing that members from other churches were like devils.

Even if the child grows up and finds out that some of these members have negative traits, the fact that his parents never talked about them has set a precedent for him not to engage in such behavior.

In the same way, you should set a precedent for your children. Lead them by example.

8. Watch Your Tone of Voice and Facial Expression:

When speaking with your child, watch your tone of voice and facial expression. As you know, it’s not only about what you say but also about how you say it.

The content of your words should be thoughtful and how you deliver it should be more thoughtful.

Words can have negative effects on your child if you are not careful. You must be careful. As much as possible avoid yelling. I know children test our limits all the time.

That’s why you need emotional Intelligence as a parent. Try to speak calmly.

Remember, they will learn it from you too. Also, be honest with your words. Don’t let your facial expression betray you.

If you are genuinely happy for them, let it show in your facial expression and how you talk. Don’t tell them congratulations when it’s obvious that you are not happy with them.

9. Set Clear Boundaries:

As you communicate your family rules and their consequences, be sure to follow through with them. Don’t say one thing and do the opposite.

It sends conflicting messages to your child and leads to a breakdown of communication. That could be why it seems your child never takes you seriously when you give them instructions.

If you set a rule in your home, for instance, that the TV goes off by 10pm. Stick to it. Don’t be found breaking the rules every now and then for flimsy reasons.

If you ask your child to always knock before entering your room, as they grow older, knock before entering their rooms too.

If you say no foul languages in the house, don’t be found using foul languages outside, etc.

Set and maintain these boundaries and watch your relationship with your children become better and stronger.

Conclusion on Parental Communication Skills

You largely determine your children’s future. If you lay a good foundation, you’ll raise responsible kids who will be changemakers.

But to do that, you need to learn how to communicate effectively. That is where the communication skills in this article come in.

This post examined nine communication skills every parent should know. To communicate better with your kids, implement these communication skills.

Did you learn something valuable? Share it with parents like you.