How to Raise Kind Children and Teach them Empathy

Recently, the news of bullying in secondary schools, especially boarding schools in Nigeria, seems to trend.

I watched a very recent clip where a student hit another student severally across her face in the presence of other students who were just there to probably join in the bullying if the bullied student had revolted. It was such a pain to watch.

Unfortunately, these scenarios are all too common. In fact, a recent survey found that 60% of teens have been bullied or harassed online.

It’s heartbreaking to see our children, who are supposed to be the epitome of innocence and kindness, treating each other with such cruelty.

All the while as I watched, the question on my mind was ‘Who raised these children?’

How did these children grow up with so much wickedness and lack of empathy?

Who’s to blame? The school? The parents? Or the child?

Kindness is both an inherent and a learned trait. Toddlers are naturally predisposed to kindness but even they don’t understand why they do what they do. 

A child might cry when they see pain inflicted on someone else. They naturally want to help with tasks without being asked to.

But they need a proper guide to help them articulate these gestures and maintain them because humans also have a natural tendency to be selfish which contradicts kindness.

Kindness is a skill that can be taught and nurtured from a young age. And that’s exactly what we’ll explore in this post.

We’ll dive into the importance of raising kind children and provide easy, actionable strategies to help you cultivate empathy in yourself and your little ones.

This post aims to equip you with the tools you need to raise a generation of kind, compassionate, and caring individuals who will make a lasting difference in our world.

Beyond the Books: Why Kindness Matters

Aristotle once said, “Educating the mind without educating the heart is no education at all.”

As parents, we often focus on ensuring our children excel in academic subjects like mathematics, science and arts.

Yes, these subjects are crucial. But it’s equally important to remember that our children’s learning experience should not be restricted to just these areas.

Why?

Academics alone cannot prepare our children for the complexities of life. Morals and values, such as empathy, kindness, and respect, shape their characters.

These values are essential tools for building strong relationships, making informed decisions, and becoming responsible citizens.

When we prioritize moral education, we give our children the tools to build a strong sense of identity and build strong, meaningful relationships with others

The foundation of kindness is empathy – the ability to understand and share the feelings of others.

Contrary to what many think, kindness is not a weakness. It is actually a sign of strength.

As they say, ‘Kindness makes the world go round.’ It can unify humans across the world, irrespective of our differences in opinions, race, religion or social status.  

The beauty of kindness is that it has a ripple effect. It is a powerful force that can have a profound impact on both the giver and the receiver.

When we show kindness to others, it not only benefits them but also comes back to us in unexpected ways.

Let’s start with how others benefit from our kindness.

Think about how you feel when someone shows you kindness.

Imagine you’re juggling several heavy bags of groceries from the supermarket and sweating profusely on a sunny day as you head down the street to your house. 

The child of a neighbour sees you and offers to assist you with some of the bags. How would you feel after handing over some of those bags?

Relieved to an extent, right? You’d probably heave a sigh of relief.

• You’d be grateful.

• You’d be happy to know that someone cares about you enough to offer some help.

• You’d be encouraged to keep going (perhaps you were on the brink of collapsing somewhere on the street in exhaustion before the help came).

• Your stress level will be reduced. So also your anxiety level. You know how anxious you were to get home and just get rid of the whole thing.

• You’d feel an increased level of trust and affection for the person.

What does this mean? 

It means kindness does the following:

• Reduces stress and anxiety: Kindness can calm the nervous system, reducing stress and anxiety in the recipient.

• Improves mood: Receiving kindness can release endorphins and dopamine (the feel-good hormones) which improves the recipient’s mood and overall sense of well-being.

• Increases feelings of trust and connection: Kindness can foster a sense of trust and connection, leading to stronger relationships and a greater sense of community.

• Improves physical health: Studies have shown that people who receive kindness and social support tend to have better physical health, including lower blood pressure and a healthier weight.

What about the ripple effect of kindness?

If you haven’t thought of being nice to someone before, you’d likely consider it after someone has been kind to you.

Because you’d love to be the reason why someone else will also feel as relieved as you felt when you were helped. That’s the ripple effect. 

Kindness inspires kindness.

Now let’s talk about you.

Is there anything you stand to gain from being kind?

Certainly!

Benefits of Kindness to the Giver

• Better relationships:

When we and our children learn to be kind, we build stronger, more meaningful relationships with friends, family, and even strangers.

We become more empathetic, more understanding, and more compassionate – and that’s a recipe for lifelong connections.

• Improved academic performance:

Believe it or not, kindness can actually boost our children’s academic performance!

When they’re kind to their peers, they’re more likely to work collaboratively, share ideas, and support each other – all of which can lead to better grades and a more positive learning environment.

• Increased self-esteem:

When our children practice kindness, they develop a sense of self-worth and confidence.

They realize that they have the power to make a difference in someone’s life, and that’s an incredibly empowering feeling.

• Better mental health:

Kindness has been shown to reduce stress, anxiety, and depression. When we focus on helping others, we’re less likely to get caught up in our own worries and concerns.

• A more positive community:

When we raise kind children, we create a ripple effect of kindness that can spread far and wide.

Imagine a community where everyone looks out for each other, where everyone is kind and compassionate – that’s the kind of world we want to live in, right?

When we incorporate kindness into our daily lives, we’re not only benefiting those around us but also improving our well-being and happiness.

It’s a win-win situation that can have a profound impact on our individual and collective lives.

How to show kindness

Showing kindness is not about grand gestures or elaborate acts of charity. It’s about the little things we do every day that can make a big difference in the lives of those around us. 

You can show kindness when you:

1) Smile and offer a kind word:

A simple smile and a kind word like “I’m proud of you” can go a long way in brightening someone’s day. Offer compliments genuinely. 

• ‘You have a beautiful voice’ 

• ‘Nice haircut’, 

• ‘Your dress is beautiful’, 

• ‘Lovely profile’

As simple as they sound, they have the potential to boost people’s self-confidence. And they’ll be grateful for it. It shows that you notice them.

2) Hold the door open:

Waiting for a minute to hold the door for someone coming behind you shows that you care.

3) Listen actively:

When someone is talking to you, give them your full attention. Sometimes, all someone needs are someone to listen to their story.

Active listening is a powerful way to show that you care.

4) Offer a helping hand:

Make the burden lighter for a neighbour or even a stranger if possible. Are you better at something that a colleague or friend is struggling with?

Offer to help. Offering a helping hand is a kind and thoughtful gesture.

5) Say ‘Thank you’:

Someone helped you with something? Say Thank you. You just ended a transaction? Say Thank you. You asked your child to do something for you and they did? Say Thank you.

Let showing gratitude become a part of you. Your kids will unconsciously pick this behaviour. And it’s for their good.

You can also take a minute to write a thank-you note to someone who has made a difference in your life. It’s a small act that can bring a big smile.

Let someone cut in front of you in line: It can be at the grocery store or in traffic. Sometimes, you can allow someone cut in front of you or take your place.

If you’re doing this in a queue, don’t fail to consider others behind you. You might offend them if you fail to request their consent.

Say ‘Please’: When requesting anything, don’t forget to be polite. ‘Can I have the cup, please?’ is not the same as ‘Give me the cup!’

Praise and encourage others: Did your child, a friend, or even a stranger do something right?

Don’t hesitate to praise them. Are they trying to get it right? Motivate them.

Help newcomers feel comfortable: A stranger takes a seat beside you in Church service. They seem lost.

Perhaps they forgot their Bible or they don’t have the songbook. Share with them. Put them through if they seem confused.

Give to others: When needed, help financially if you can even before someone in need asks. Donate fairly used items like clothes, books, or household goods to those in need.

Apologize: When you offend others, say sorry and mean it. You can even look for a way to make up for your error.

Kindness is all about showing compassion and empathy to others. It’s about putting others before yourself and making a positive impact on their lives.

How to Teach Kindness to Children

Model Kindness: As parents, we have a unique opportunity to model kindness for our children and teach them to make it a core part of their value system.

The best way to teach your child how to be kind is by being kind yourself. Remember, they are watching you.

So it’s not just about telling them what to do. It’s more about showing them how to be kind.

Seize opportunities to explain kindness: Learning opportunities show up at different times during daily activities. Take advantage of them to explain to your child why they should be kind.

When they show empathy or do any kind act, let them understand that what they did was an act of kindness.

For instance, if you drop something and your little child helps pick it up and hands it back to you, don’t hesitate to say something like ‘Awww…that’s so kind of you. Thank you.’ You can even reward them with a hug. 

• Discuss kindness: Take time to discuss kindness with your children. Read stories centred on kindness together to start the discussion. Ask them about times when they’ve shown kindness or received kindness from others.

• Volunteer together: You can visit a local charity or organization to volunteer. Spend the day together helping others and teaching your children the value of kindness.

• Practice empathy: Guide your children to put themselves in others shoes. Ask them how they think someone might be feeling and how they can show kindness in that situation. Teach them to apologize when they offend.

• Make Kindness a Family Value: We can create a family value system that prioritizes empathy, compassion, and understanding by incorporating kindness into our daily lives. 

How to Set Healthy Boundaries in Kindness

While kindness is an essential virtue, it’s equally important to set healthy boundaries to avoid burnout and maintain our own well-being.

When we sacrifice too much of ourselves in the name of kindness, we can end up feeling drained, resentful, and even taken advantage of.

Kindness is about the ‘Golden rule’ – do unto others as you want them to do to you. While you enjoy people’s kindness, you do not take advantage of them or walk over them.

Similarly, while you offer kindness to people, do not forget to be kind to yourself too. 

As Paul Coelho puts it, “When you say ‘Yes’ to others, make sure you are not saying ‘No’ to yourself.” 

Learn and teach your children to recognize it when they’re taken for granted and let them know it’s okay to say No.

• Know your limits: Be honest with yourself about what you can reasonably give to others. Don’t overcommit. Prioritize your own needs and responsibilities.

• Communicate clearly: Set clear expectations with others about what you’re willing to do and what you’re not. Communicate your boundaries respectfully and assertively.

• Prioritize self-care: Make time for self-care and prioritize your own well-being. This will help you maintain the energy and resources you need to show kindness to others.

• Say ‘NO’ without guilt: It’s okay to say no to requests that don’t align with your values or priorities. Don’t feel guilty about setting boundaries and prioritizing your own needs.

Conclusion 

Kindness is a powerful tool that can make our world a better place.

When we prioritize kindness, we create a culture that values empathy, compassion, and understanding.

This in turn leads towards a more positive and supportive community.

Being kind does not mean having no boundaries. There is a big difference between holding the door and being the doormat.

Pamela Storch

Let’s teach and discipline our children on the importance of kindness and empathy, while also setting healthy boundaries.

Model kindness and teach your children to prioritize their own well-being. 

Share this post with someone who could use a reminder of the importance of kindness.